wickedchouette | (no subject)

[ See, it's meant well, is the thing. Alfie's coworkers see that he lives by himself, and that he's always busy, and they assume that he could use some extra help around the house. And these days, the all-in-one maid service bots are pretty inexpensive. Between all of them, eight hundred dollars isn't much at all, so they pool their resources to get Alfie an RM700, affectionately nicknamed the Human Roomba bot by the media.

At first they think they should get Alfie a woman version, but after some discussion, they decide not to, if only to avoid the implication that they bought him a pleasure model. This one in particular is set up to be as human as possible, with the same general restrictions all the rest of them have with the three laws. Alfie's coworkers throw him a party and surprise him with it, and insist he take it home, give it a few commands before making a decision on whether or not he likes it.

Which is why now, the RM700 is standing placidly, arms crossed behind its back, in the middle of Alfie's living room. It watches Alfie every so often, shifting its weight even though it doesn't really need to. Lifelike. And finally, it speaks, voice low and gentle. ]

If you'd like me to start dusting, you only have to say so.

[Sure, they mean well, but that doesn't stop Alfie from chastising them. Lovingly, of course - they're all friends, some of them are family, and they did spend eight hundred dollars on him - but the words fucking clueless idiots are bandied about more than once. But the return policies are restrictive, and since the only other alternative he can think of is dumping the bot on the street, he takes it home.

And it's eerie. Alfie has always kind of assumed that having a bot, even a human-shaped one, would be like having another piece of furniture, or a very fancy machine - after all, that's what they are, aren't they? But no, this is like having another person in his house, and Alfie isn't much one for having strangers over. He's been studiously ignoring the thing, but then it says something, and God above, it even sounds like a person. Alfie grunts, trying to hide his discomfort (though does he even need to? It's not like it's emotionally intelligent enough to notice, right?), and shakes his head.]

[ Well, okay. It'll just stand there, then. It is very patient, and doesn't seem to be getting frustrated by the fact that it hasn't been given any orders. It just waits, staring ahead blankly. In fact, if Alfie just leaves it, it doesn't say anything at all and will just... stay where it is for literal hours, unmoving. ]

[Alfie keeps at what he's doing - first going through papers at his desk, then moving to the kitchen to make himself a cup of tea, which he takes into the living room. The living room, where he promptly spots the bot again. He muffles a sigh.]

How much do you talk, then? Do they-- I dunno, program phrases into you?

[Models this advanced are relatively new, and even though the world is going nuts for them, Alfie hasn't been paying much attention.]

However much you'd like me to.

[ The bot glances over at Alfie, expression easy and calm. ] I don't have pre-programmed phrases, no. I can hold a conversation with you like a normal human might. Would you like to have a conversation about something? I can give you the latest scores from the local sports teams, or tell you what the forecast will be tomorrow.

[Alfie startles, a little, and he turns to look at the bot more fully. He'd been expecting something more... artificial-sounding, he supposes. Some sort of Siri-esque I'm sorry Mr. Solomons, I didn't catch that. But Siri had been all the rage when he was a kid, so it's no surprise that things have advanced by now. And aren't people always saying how amazingly lifelike these new models are?]

Nah.

[He clears his throat.]

Seems strange to have a conversation with you, that's all.

[And yet here he is, starting to do just that.]

Whatever suits you, sir. [ The bot tells him, eyes on the wall again. ] I can remain silent, if you prefer. According to general surveys, fifty percent of users prefer their androids to be silent while performing tasks, and the other fifty prefer an android who socializes with them while performing tasks.

And what about you, then? Do you have a preference?

[ There's a pause, as the bot glances back in Alfie's direction. ]

No. My preference is your preference. [ But maybe there's a hint of curiosity, there. ]

[That's about the answer he'd expected, but something about the tone in which it's given has him looking up from his book.]

Well, that's boring, isn't it. But then, I suppose people don't want bots to be interesting; not really.

[ Its weight shifts again from foot to foot. ]

It depends on who you ask. Those who buy androids for companionship prefer interesting personalities. I was not created to be a companion as my primary function.

Oh, I'm sure they say they want interesting personalities. They probably even think it. But the thing about interesting personalities is that they aren't always agreeable.

Of course. Upon purchase, owners are given the chance to customize personality traits given to companion androids. That function is available as an update to androids of my line, as well.

I can research the most requested traits for you if you'd like, Mr. Solomons.

But I think that's boring, you see. Why would I want to talk to someone that can't speak their own mind?

[ That is a question that is beyond the android's programming, so it just sort of stares at Alfie for a moment before finally answering: ]

Perhaps that is why you were given a cleaning android and not a companion, then.

[Alfie sighs heavily.]

I suppose so.

[ It stays silent, for a long moment. Still just standing right in the middle of Alfie's living room, hands behind its back. ]

Is there anything you would like me to take care of, Mr. Solomons, or should I perhaps stand outside out of your sight?

[ Is that - sass? No, it can't be. It's a very sincere question. Probably. It's supposed to be. ]

I wonder--

[Says Alfie, instead of answering.]

I wonder, what would happen to you if I told you to walk out of here?

Walk out of where? The room? Or your house?

The house, yeah. If you could leave, where would you go?

[ A pause. It seems confused. ]

Where would you want me to go?

[Alfie makes a noise in the back of his throat, half annoyed and half amused.]

I must be mad, trying to have this sort of conversation with a bot.

[ The bot just tilts its head, seeming like it's waiting for an answer. ]

Well, I can't send you back.

[He continues.]

I suppose you know what happens to the ones that get sent back? Resale's illegal; it's an issue of privacy, they say. Apparently, you could overhear all sorts of things, hanging around our houses as you do.

I do. [ He shifts again. ] If you returned me to the retailer I was created by, they would destroy me completely, ensuring that your data is safe.