Ahah. I'm really not fucking good at that. [ being kind to herself, she means. she brushes the tears trickling down her cheek away with her arm. ]
Nobody gets... [ she starts, and then stops. and then, again, with both hands gripping the bottle tightly: ] Nobody gets how hard it was. I'm trying not to - I don't know how much right I have to be upset, you know? How much I get to agonize over this. I'm trying to figure it out.
'Cause it feels like I'm not allowed to be. They said being killed made them feel expendable, helpless, weak, but - am I not allowed to feel that way? They didn't want to die. We've got blood on our hands, blood we didn't want to spill, and if they caught us they would've celebrated, they caught a killer, but I didn't want to kill.
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Ahah. I'm really not fucking good at that. [ being kind to herself, she means. she brushes the tears trickling down her cheek away with her arm. ]
Nobody gets... [ she starts, and then stops. and then, again, with both hands gripping the bottle tightly: ] Nobody gets how hard it was. I'm trying not to - I don't know how much right I have to be upset, you know? How much I get to agonize over this. I'm trying to figure it out.
'Cause it feels like I'm not allowed to be. They said being killed made them feel expendable, helpless, weak, but - am I not allowed to feel that way? They didn't want to die. We've got blood on our hands, blood we didn't want to spill, and if they caught us they would've celebrated, they caught a killer, but I didn't want to kill.